|Katniss Everdene... the original badass|
So I decided to put a new twist on proceedings - and instead of talking in vague nonsense actually talk about which bloggers I would call upon if a totally fictional event occurred. In this instance - ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. Ok, so I'm still talking vague nonsense but hopefully you will enjoy reading about my favorite bloggers a little more.
So... why zombies?
I have always been wee-my-pants scared of zombies since I mistakenly watched 28 Days Later with a rubbish boyfriend of the time who liked biology. He then proceeded to tell me about how it could 'totally happen'. Fast-forward a month later and I'm in America. I'm reading the 'Zombie Survival Guide'. We stop in a town that actually could have been a set for a Zombie movie (we later discover it is one of the most beautiful towns in America and has been used as a set for a Zombie movie) I sit at 4AM wide awake, in the bathroom, utterly terrified reading my book and leaping out of my skin at the slightest sound. It was intense.
Every single building I have ever lived in from there-on-in was silently and on a subconsious level judged for zombie-proofing. Large patio glass doors - a large nono (very susceptible to the undead should they get in the garden). Flat rooves that you can escape onto in case of an emergency - massive plus! Etc. Etc. I have actually been known to turn down flats I 'didn't like' largely because they were too unsafe. I know, I know. This is one that most real estate agents don't expect to be an issue. Needless to say I live in a high rise block of flats with two exists and a very, very solid door and scary looking neighbors with a large staffie (who loves me) - go figure.
So, leading on from that paranoid fear, I thought what better way to kick off introducing you to some of the finest on the net than to tell you why they'd be the first to call should the apocalypse come!
(This post made so much more sense in my head...)
1) Katie Khan from Awkward Situations for Girls
Katie is the only person who, like me, has a pre-planned escape route out of her house should the apocalypse happen. She is best friends with someone who has a brother who practically re-invented the zombie movie genre. She is also really, really awesome and (I reckon) could kick the living daylights out of the undead. She may be little but her eponymous cat heels are lethal. If I was on the top of an apartment building and had to fight my way down and could only choose one person to do it with me, I would definitely choose Vin Diesel. Then I would choose Katie.
2) Mrs Thrifty from A Thrifty Mrs
Everyone needs a Thrifty. If you don't read her blog you really should. She sorts out my howling inadequacies in the way that only my grandmother can (and she's not here) When we reached a shelter, I imagine our little shed to be beautifully and quickly organised into tiny boxes of shotgun shells, hooks for guns and pots of steaming hot supper. Everything would have a label. All the old cliches of horror movies (i.e. not being able to find your gun) would evaporate with colour co-ordination. And I would *kill* to see a blog post about it. '10 ways to organise your ammo shack: No.1: Make sure your biggest bullets that can pierce an undead skull are within arm's reach'... make it happen...
3) Estee from Essiebutton
I watch Estee a lot on the old YouTube and I believe she is bare jokes. I can't help but laugh at her videos. When the zombies come-a-crawlin' it's always good to have a member of your squad who can raise a smile from the glummest, dawn-of-the-dead day face and Estee is that person. Plus have you seen the way she waves her hands around the camera? Now imagine if she was holding a pick-axe. Yeah. What we have there, my friends, is an excitable, funny, Canadian zombie killing MACHINE.
4) Lindsay from Beauty and the Beats
For srs, Lindsay is a BADASS. Her latest blog post is all about Tough Mudder - that's an insane crazy obstacle course, FYI. Homegirl is smokin' fierce. She goes running all the time and is truly an inspiration. I think she is fab. I also would not want to p*ss her off. She would have your back in any fight and could outrun any zombie. I imagine her to be like Glenn from the walking dead. Or Daryl. Basically, she'd be on my speed dial.
5) Victoria from Vipxo
If you've ever read Victoria's blog you'll know she's super shit hot on finding awesome stuff from Ebay. Now, I known the internet will be turned off come the end of times and I'm not going to be worrying about cute shirts any more, but can I hear ya holla TRANSFERABLE SKILLS? If we needed bits from the Pharmacy or to quickly find the key to a lock, I think her budget savvy eagle eyes would come in handy very quickly indeed. Plus she's super fashionable and would give our tired looks a much-needed va va voom when we were feeling down.
So there we have it! Those are the 5 bloggers I'd get in touch with should the end of the world happen and the undead start popping up like daisies. I hope you have liked this post - I toyed and ummed and ahhed about posting, but hey ho I guess if you don't like it you will tell me. In all seriousness, though, those girls write really lovely blogs and are regular reads of mine so please do visit.
Who would you call if the end was nigh? Til next time x