So this is #1 of the January Joy tag posts that I'm doing for the month - what better way to start the new year than to think about what came before and what will come after!
So I guess this post starts with a bit of a retrospective. 2012 will certainly not be forgotten quickly; the pace at which things moved were beyond insane considering the relative sedate nature of life up until that point. I've lived in over 6 different places in London, my hair has been over 12 different colours, I've had my silly heart stamped on (and done a bit of stamping of my own) I've made leaps and bounds career wise, I've made some ridiculously strong friendships and lost a fair few friends in the process. I can't say it's been particularly enjoyable - in fact, some times it's been downright depressing - but I consider a good life to be full of opportunities to learn and grow as a person and for me that process has always been woven into the fabric of my being - in nearly a spiritual sense. I am always soul searching, trying to push and better myself. 'Growing' for me is enjoyable - some people may derive pleasure from partying or relationships but I have always been the type to feel fully at home when I better myself. (Typical Sagittarius... never held much in horoscopes but mine are always terrifyingly accurate) I sit here typing this in many ways a much stronger person, more vulnerable to be sure but the cut of my jib is firm and these days I have truly learnt to appreciate myself. Despite all my flaws, my cringey feelings and cosmic ability to put my foot in it overall I have wound up liking myself a whole lot more than at the beginning of 2012. I'm not 100% there yet but I've certainly put a fair bit of dusty track between the person I was and who I am now. It's all good. It's all going to be ok.
Which leads me nicely to my first new years resolution. Or rather, simply a life resolution. To look after myself a little more. I'm always a bit scatty and forget to do things like pampering (things to do, people to see...) I'm the worst for tumbling into bed without removing makeup, forgetting to moisturise or things like that. But I'm not getting any younger - I discovered with dismay my first grey hair and first wrinkle this year - and I need to grow up a bit. True, I'll always be a bit bohemian with my beauty regime, but a good tan, healthy, moisturised skin and a decent hairdo / nails have to become part of my lifestyle. It always makes me feel good, so making sure I've made time for me (even if it is a bath with candles) has to be part of my life this year. Eating a bit healthier and getting a bit thinner I guess fall into this category too. Making time for yummy, HEALTHY food rather than on-the-go overprocessed rubbish that flares up my diabetes must be a priority.
Another resolution is to start my YouTube channel. I have blabbered on about this for most of 2012 so I reckon I've got enough time to actually start it. It's tough finding time to film but I suppose just like I said in the previous paragraph, it's time to stop helter skeltering after other people and make a bit of time for myself. If you subscribe to my channel or just harass me on Twitter I might feel more bullied into filming my first video (which I am determined to do this Jan... and get over my camera phobia). I give you carte blanche. Nag me til I do it.
My third resolution is to do more. I want to go to art galleries more (something I used to do all the time) so I've set a calendar reminder in my phone to harass me to go every Tuesday. (An aside - If you know me, you'll know calendar reminders are the only way I will ever get things done. My Outlook calendar is a plethora of snipes at myself. Anyone else do this?) I'm going to an art class every Thursday and I'm super excited. I am going to blog more. I am going to walk more. I am going to spend more time with my marvellous girlfriends. In short, I need to go outside more. Lots more.
Finally, my fourth resolution is to work out what I want from life. I think career-wise this has already happened; a bolt from the blue moment one rainy September when I looked across to the creative department and thought... I could do that. I still need to get there, but I'm definitely taking steps. In terms of my love life however I really do not know what I want from someone at all. I've been dating for a while (and not really been treated brilliantly, if I'm completely honest) but I think it largely stems from me and the fact that I still don't have a concept of what I want from a boyfriend. Again, it's all a process and a learning curve. Nothing is set in stone and getting me to commit and trust someone will take a long time I think. But I would very much like someone to make a fuss of me. A lovely man (hi, Ben x) once said to me when I was worrying about some other boy: "BUT - never mind that - WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM THIS?" That's what needs to be figured out.
Gosh this was rather a ramble. But those are my four resolutions. They aren't huge things, they aren't massive commitments (I don't do commitments, I'm a Sagittarius) but they are my hopes for the next year, the goals I want to achieve. I would love to read back this post in 2014 and see each little dream achieved, each sentence underlined with a tick or at least developed, nurtured and understood in some deeper way.
How about you? Did this strike a chord, or do you have different resolutions?
Til next time x