Plan (or go on) a date

So this is #3 of Florence Find’s #JanuaryJoy blogger hashtag – I’m not doing dry January so I’ve missed out no.2 (although my lovely friend Laura is, go support her on twitter!)

Dating is something that I’ve only been doing recently. Prior to February of last year, I’d only really been in two long term relationships – which had developed from friendship, rather than anything explicitly romantic to begin with. That’s the brilliant thing about school or university – and most likely why most people meet prospective partners there. You can get to know someone without the no-pants-dance getting in the way and complicating your feelings.

Being flung into the dating world has been somewhat a baptism of fire. I’ve surprised myself that I’m actually not too bad at it, although I’m not going to pretend I particularly enjoy it. I’m not good looking or much of a player either. There is no secret formula; dating is like an interview in that your prospective is just trying to work out if you’re a basket-case or just downright objectionable. Men generally fancy you for your face or what words come out of it, and I definitely fall into the latter camp. The trick is to play to your strengths, be yourself and trust that you are an interesting person.

This tag tells me to go on a date – but I didn’t particularly want to talk about any specific dates in this post as I thought that might be too personal. (I write a silly gif blog about what goes wrong in dating and more often than not relates to my own experiences, but I’m just as likely to make up a caption based on what my friends are up to as something directly referring to me. Point being, trying to work out who you like and who you don’t is as frustrating and elusive as trying to bottle a cloud.)

I thought I might instead write about a couple of generalities referring to dating. It’s all a learning process and I’m slowly learning about what I value in a man. Nothing is more of a turn-off than someone who hasn’t got anything of value to say. I have a very quick mind and I get bored very easily – it takes someone who can match me wit for wit to perk my interest. I’ve tried liking dull people in the past and it feels like my soul is trapped in endless repeats of The Only Way is Essex. I want – nay, *need* - a verbal sparring partner. Playful competition is very important to me – I want to be with someone who pushes me to succeed rather than belittles me or worships me. Been there, done that, been given the self-esteem equivalent of a kick in the groin. In terms of looks, I don’t really have a type, although I’d say that everyone I’ve ever *really* fancied (a grand total of about seven people in my life, I think, I’m fussy) is very physical in some way. Broad shoulders, kind eyes, biceps (sorry, but women objectify just as much as men) and being tactile all receive big ticks. Overall, really appreciating your company and fancying the pants off you. Sounds simple, doesn’t it! Yet it’s rare for me to develop a connection these days, whereas when I was little I was just grateful to have someone fancy me.

If you are dating I’d highly recommend you write down what you value to avoid being messed about or entering into a relationship with someone you don’t really like. Dating is fun but you are entering an arena where people’s feelings are involved. Knowing exactly what you want means you are less likely to screw someone over. I’m always on a mission to tell people to be kind to each other (Disney’s It’s a Small World clearly had a lasting effect on me!) as you’re far more likely to be a happy person that way.

This got a little deep, didn’t it! I’d be interested to know what you thought of my advice and if you disagree!

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